Dealing with Fetishes as a Christian?

Serious Discussion
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Hi guys! You all know me, I’m James the Duck, I’ve been involved in FFC since 2018, but I had to make a new account because my old one got deleted when I deleted my Twitter. Anyway, I want to talk about fetishes and how to deal with them. As we all know, the furry fandom is quite infamous for housing a lot of fetishistic sub-fandoms, such as size difference, transformation, feet, inflation, etc. I myself deal with autozoophilia (arousal at images of yourself as an animal), a transformation fetish and to a lesser extent a foot fetish. Autozoophilia and the transformation (or TF) fetish is what lead me into the fandom in the first place, but about a year ago I felt that God was calling me to give them up.

Giving them up has been hard. They had been something that I’ve been interested in and fantasized about my entire life, long before I had any grasp of sexuality. I don’t know when I started getting aroused by them, but I do know it had to have been before middle school. In middle school, when many boys were discovering porn, I discovered a website that archived various TF clips from cartoons and I would watch them to get aroused. I only did this while I was home alone, because for some reason I didn’t want my family to see me watching this stuff. I wanted it to be my little secret.

Fast forward to 2018, and I discovered you can commission TF art and make your autozoophilic fantasies come true. Most of the TF artists were furries, so naturally I joined the fandom. For six years, most of my spending money went towards living my wildest and wettest fantasies through TF art. I then took up drawing, and started making TF art of my own. I knew porn was wrong, so I never commissioned anything NSFW. I even knew that a lot of people were addicted to porn the same way I was addicted to TF art, but I justified it by telling myself I wasn’t hurting/objectifying anybody or looking at anything inappropriate, so it must be fine. Besides, it was making me happy.

That is until January of 2024 when I began to study these things more seriously. I was horrified to come across an article that said that pursuing sexual arousal, even if it’s not pornographic, is a mortal sin. I was Episcopalian at the time and didn’t have the whole system of confession the Roman Catholic Church has, but I knew mortal sins sent you to hell according to Rome so this must be serious. I tried commissioning a TF art piece to snap myself out of it, but the guilt ate me alive for weeks, so I decided to repent and cancel it.

I haven’t commissioned a TF or autozoophilia piece since, and a kind friend redesigned my fursona to not resemble me. For a while, I left the furry fandom entirely because I find anthros attractive and thought that was a mortal sin, but I’ve told three different priests about it and they all said it’s fine. I’ve made too many friends here to leave behind, so I came back. I got kind of obsessive-compulsive about my fetishes and attraction to anthros though, and had to go to OCD therapy every day for 4 months.

I’m doing much better, but the story doesn’t end there. I still lay awake at night fighting these TF and autozoophilia thoughts, praying to God for them to go away, but they only get stronger. I feel like if I just let them be I’ll start indulging them and commit a mortal sin. I’ve talked to two priests about this and they say indulging my fetishes are only a venial sin, but I don’t know whether I should believe them or those who say it’s mortal. And the worst part is, sometimes I cave in to the flesh and indulge my fetishes, and when I do it, I don’t feel bad. In fact, I feel liberated. I’ve committed one sin, so the genie is out of the bottle and I don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore because I’ve already broken them. I know this isn’t how sin works, so I find myself going to confession that Saturday, but then I’m back to being scrupulous and worrying about indulging my fetish and going to hell. So does anyone else have a fetish that they deal with, and so, how do you deal with it?

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Hi there James. Thank you for sharing vulnerably and openly about your journey. It sounds like this has been a long and often difficult road for you. I can connect with some of your story and I’m happy to share what’s been helpful for me.

In your post you mention being addicted to TF art - at least at one point in your life. Something I’ve found very helpful is joining 12-step groups for sexual addiction. There, I’ve found much mutual support with men and women trying to better manage compulsive sexual behavior of all kinds - fetish or otherwise. Overall, it’s been a very life-giving space for me, and I’ve seen significant improvement in my life since joining.

Another helpful shift for me is focusing on progress over perfection. For many years, my only goal was to rid myself of all sexual thoughts I considered sinful. Falling short of that goal often caused guilt, shame, and anxiety. Over time, I’ve come to better accept my fallibility. While I still work towards healthier sexuality, I set more achievable goals and understand that improvement will be gradual.

Regarding fetishes specifically, I’ve had them from a young age (vore, paws, feet), and they used to be a source of much bewilderment, secrecy, and shame. Over time, I’ve come to accept them as an enduring part of my sexuality. I don’t think they are necessarily sinful, but I do resist indulging them so long as they prevent me from fostering an intimate relationship with another person. For me, framing in this way helps relieve the shame and guilt I used to carry. It also encourages me to think creatively about positive pursuits towards healthy sexuality, rather than just focusing on not doing something.

James, I sincerely hope that you find more peace, joy and freedom. I believe that God deeply loves you and is with you on this journey.

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Hi James! I thought I’d step into this thread as it’s relevant to me. You have inspired me to be vulnerable and open.

I will preface this by saying that I am definitely not a theological expert. There are likely strong Biblically based arguments against fetishes and seeking sexual arousal. I am aware that many will strongly disagree with me, and I am very open to counter-arguments.

With that out of the way…I personally have a vore kink (I prefer this term over “fetish”). In fact, vore art is how I originally discovered the furry fandom. I, like the commenters above, once believed my kink was shameful and sinful, and didn’t think it could possibly be reconciled with my identity as a Christian. But eventually, I started seeing things in a bit of a different light.

In my belief, things that are sin according to the way Jesus would define it (the Old Testament is different, but those laws, while they outline a good sacred life, do not have to be followed to the letter to follow Christ; see Romans chapter 2 and 3) are those things that bring pleasure to self at the expense of others. Things like cheating on one’s spouse, stealing, malice, and the like. I don’t think fetishes/kinks fit this pattern in and of themselves. I think Trek is on the right track about indulging kinks specifically being sinful when it distracts you from forming a relationship with another, or doing God’s good work in the world in general. But if you can find a healthy balance that both you and any partner of yours are okay with, and that you truly know in your heart is not preventing you from doing anything God wants from you, I do not believe that is sinful. I’d go further out on a limb and say that (ethically produced) porn also fits into this framework. In fact, I’d argue that if you get into a relationship with someone who is interested in making exploring kinks or using porn part of the intimate activities of your relationship, they could even be a good thing.

Now, that doesn’t mean finding that balance will be easy. I know from experience that it’s hard! But I personally believe that it’s better to try than to futilely attempt to excise kinky thoughts from yourself. I believe they’re as much a part of me as my sexual orientation is!

Let me reiterate: I accept that I may be completely wrong about this, and I welcome alternative viewpoints. I just thought I’d share my own perspective.

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I can’t speak for the Catholic side of things but I do have a long history of trying to deal with fetishes. In fact, I found the original FFC forum nearly 20 years because my “growth obsession” (what I called it before really knowing what a fetish was) had gotten out of control. I was a furry for over a year, maybe year and a half by then and thought surrounding myself with only Christian furry art would cure me, even though I didn’t even look at any NSFW art.

A year and a half later, I realized that I needed to talk to someone in person about all of my mental issues, not just this one, so I started seeing a Christian counselor. Through him I discovered that my desire to be big came from an inferiority complex. Growing up, I was always a small guy who was bullied a lot, and the toxic masculinity in pop culture made me feel like I HAD to be big and strong to be a real man. I couldn’t stick to any workout or nutrition plans to put on weight, no matter how many “motivation” pics I looked at or growth scenes from cartoons I watched.

But I learned that I didn’t need a hulking body or gigantic height to be loved, whether by God or anyone else. Even though my favorite Old Testament stories were David and Goliath, and Samson. :stuck_out_tongue: It’s the size of my heart, not my muscles, that counts. And folks have told me for a long time that I give really good hugs.

Growth still turns me on a lot, but with how busy my life got those feelings of inferiority due to my size gradually went away. And I still don’t like NSFW art all that much anyway. :stuck_out_tongue:

So I would encourage you to think about why you have the fetishes and kinks you do. Aside from the inferiority thing, I just love the feeling of my body expanding, growing, all that heft and mass. I don’t need it in my real life, but it’s a fun escape. And I’ve built up enough self-control to know when I should and shouldn’t paw off, when I should focus on better, more important things.

If your desire for TF comes from hating your body, try asking God to help you accept yourself as He made you. Getting in shape is good, but don’t let that take over your life either.

God still loves and forgives you, so you don’t need to give yourself a hard time! When you slip up, accept that gift of grace and ask for help to do better next time. :green_heart:

5

Thanks for your reply. I think the reason I’m so attracted to TF is probably because I’ve always been dissatisfied with my life as a human. When I was a little kid, life was boring because I was always at home and couldn’t go anywhere. In elementary school, I was bullied. In middle and high school, I had a lot of homework. And in college, I was lonely. So TF was escapism. And yes, I love the idea of just being something else and looking different, but still being yourself. I don’t know where that comes from. I’ve never been too dissatisfied with the way I look, although I got annoyed at being the tall kid in elementary and middle school. Big kids were always bullies or stupid in media, and that reflected how people treated me. I was in a modified math class, so I felt like I was a “big oaf.” Looking at things that way, it makes sense for some of the animals I wanted to be, such as birds, but not for others. I’ve always loved hooved mammals like deer, horses, donkeys, and cattle, and they’re big like I was. And the being big problem went away in high school when my peers caught up to me and I was more or less average height. But the TF problem didn’t. I guess I’ve never had good self esteem in general, so I just wanted to be something else and live somewhere else. But I don’t know.

Because TF turns me on, I avoid it. I also avoid “pawing off” as you say. Whether it’s a mortal sin or not depends on who you ask, but I err on the side of caution. But avoiding TF is hard. Sometimes I give in, like I said. And the funny thing is, once I do, the thoughts no longer become as tempting. But I feel it’s wrong and repent. Ine says maybe I’ll be able to indulge the fetish with a consenting spouse one day, which at least gives me something to look forward to. But for now at least, maybe it’s my cross to carry. I’ve also seen a Christian counselor and told him about this. He encouraged me to leave the fandom altogether, which I did for a while but came back to, and I’m glad I did.

6

Since the topic is already here, I guess I’ll open up to a limited degree here.

What is the consensus on someone aroace (myself) “pawing-off” not for lust or gratification, but simply to remove erections and quell the anxiety and discomfort that comes with them? If left unchecked, I have borderline panic attacks when they arise, so I’ve reached a point where simply taking 60 seconds to make it disappear for the next several days is better than taking 15 minutes to fight it off only for the next hour.

My conservative leaning mom told me once she thinks it’s totally fine, oddly enough.

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A Catholic priest I know said “pawing off” (he didn’t use that phrase, obviously) is a sin because it’s selfish, but it’s not a mortal one if you’re not married. There are worse things than doing it, such as oppressing the poor or holding back wages from workers. He even said that if you have to get it out of your system, then do it, and go about your day. His words, not mine. I don’t know if I could in good conscience commend his advice, because he might be wrong.

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Gee, it sure is selfish of me to spend money to eat a tasty fast-food lunch when I could maybe donate that money to a children’s hospital instead… never mind the fact that those fast-food meals are often the only meals I get to consistently eat each day because of my mail route and I also don’t deserve to go hungry ahaha. I’m not sure the “doing something for yourself automatically means it’s selfish” logic tracks here. Am I also being selfish for taking a shower to clean myself when I could be using that time to, say, clean my brother’s room for him? Where is the line drawn? Something about that doesn’t make sense to me. Am I selfish for taking some time to pray to Jesus for personal strength and courage when I could be praying for the blessings of others? I don’t think simply doing something in service to yourself is automatically selfish unless it comes at the direct and deliberate expense of others, which the situation I presented doesn’t really because I have no partner and zero interest in finding one.

Where does the concept of “pawing off” being a mortal sin come from anyway?

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Hey man, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m just telling you what was told to me.

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Oh no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to sound super upset or anything, I was trying to be goofy, but I guess the tone was lost in the text ahaha. You’re totally fine, don’t wory

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I think the idea of “pawing off” being inherently sinful comes mainly from the idea that anything that is in any way a sexual activity, unless done between a married man and woman, is an abomination before God. I’ve read the argument before that pawing off is essentially having sex with yourself, meaning it’s extramarital homosexual sex. For the record, I do not agree with any of this at all, and in line with what I said earlier, I do not believe pawing off (or homosexual sex, for that matter) is always sinful. However, such beliefs are definitely not too rare among Christians.

Lest this thread become “The Great Pawing Off Debate”, I thought I’d share some Bible verses that had a great impact on me recently, and which I feel could relate to what’s being discussed in this thread. Romans 14:14-23 (quoting from the NIV):

14) I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15) If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16) Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17) For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18) because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

19) Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20) Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21) It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

22) So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23) But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

These verses are specifically addressing the issue of “clean” and “unclean” food, which, as I understand it, was becoming a point of contention between Jews and Gentiles in the early Roman Church. However, I don’t think it would be a stretch to apply the wisdom in these verses to fetishes and pawing off as well. Perhaps it’s okay for different Christians to have different beliefs about personal conduct, as long as we all live by our own beliefs while not forcing them on others or using them as an excuse to judge others.

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Alright, here’s an update. For about 2 weeks, I’ve been indulging my fetish. At first, I felt okay about it and even took communion after indulging it, as a priest told me it was not a mortal sin and I decided to trust him, even though there are opinions out there that contradict him. It all started when I got a new job, so I decided to celebrate by getting a commission. I have not gotten a commission for a while, because I was afraid I’d get a hard on from the excitement. Well, I decided to bite the bullet and do it anyway, and I commissioned an artist who I knew was fast, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety for long. I didn’t commission anything related to my fetish, but the excitement of seeing my characters in his style got me erotic anyway. I just wrote it off as an “emotional boner” and went about my day. But then I became a lot less scrupulous about this and started looking at TF art. I even asked one of my friends who’s an artist to draw me as a penguin, and he’s still working on the picture. I don’t want to tell him to stop, since he’s already come far on it and I want to see it finished. But tomorrow’s Shrove Tuesday (Shrove means Pardon) where it’s traditional to go to confession and get “pardoned”. I don’t know if I really feel bad about this. I want to confess it, but I don’t want to tell the artist not to do it. It takes strength, but I don’t think I have it.

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Any update? What choice did you make on Tuesday? Did you decide this was something you needed to confess?

Whichever choice you made, I hope and pray that you will find a path that you can firmly believe is the right one for you to follow and stay on it. I do have my own opinion, which you no doubt can tell from my earlier posts, but I do not wish to force my opinion on you if you find that the other option better aligns with the beliefs you truly hold in your heart.

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Yeah, I went to confession. I told the priest everything, that I got boners from pictures of me as an animal, and he said he doesn’t see anything wrong with it as long as the pictures aren’t sexual. Just give my sexual feelings up to God, he said. He also said I can still look at the picture of me as a penguin. But I don’t know. I don’t remember if I referred to it as a fetish specifically, and if I did he might have responded differently. My conscience is also giving me a hard time. I have Christian friends who say when in doubt, trust your conscience, but I tried that and got so scrupulous I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I guess I just have to let go and let God.